IMPERFECTIONS

i was never your favorite daughter.

i was never your first choice.

all that i am to you is just another child.

i never felt your love.

i never felt your care.

i never felt your acceptance.

i did everything that i could to gain your approval.

i spent my whole life trying to impress you

i made myself independent so that i would seem strong in your eyes.

you never took notice, didn't even make an effort to get to know me. countless nights of crying and self loathing is what i sleep to. yes i've made mistakes, but i learned from them. i wasn't going for perfection, i was only doing everything that i could do for you to take notice.

it was always about them and never about me.
what do they have that i don't?
the same blood and genes runs in our systems.
the same eyes, nose and hair.
but what do you see in me that makes me different from them?

all i ever wanted was for you to see me, was for you to appreciate me.
i never wanted the things you give me, it never made me happy that you gave me gift just because it was my birthday. i wanted to be loved. i want to feel the same adoration that you gave my siblings.

but you know what? i never once questioned the way you raised me.
i never asked for more than what was necessary. i loved you from the beginning. i had no choice but to accept what was given to me. i would never choose someone else over you. you gave me life and reason. without you i wouldn't be the strong and dependable person that i am now.

you became a beacon in my life. my hero and confidant when i felt troubled. you never once made me feel alone. yes, you were absent during my times of triumph and were constantly presents in time of my defeat. but during those times you never ceased to forget to remind me of my roots.

thank you for being you. thank you for the endless things that you have done and given me. I LOVE YOU FATHER and you deserve nothing but the best.